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An Old Man’s Search for a more Spiritual Life: a personal essay
“I feel like I’m running and running but I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.” — a former client of mine
“The word “essay” is derived from the French word “essai” meaning ‘to try’. In the following, I try to put words to what has been a challenging journey — to find more balance in my life between the ‘horizontal’ and the ‘vertical’. It is my attempt to bring into being a more ‘spiritual’ aspect to my life without following any particular religious doctrine. If it reads like the ramblings of a confused man, it probably is. It feels like that much of the time. But journeys like these are often confusing. Writing is my way of trying to make sense of it all. This is only the beginning.” Michael Williams
When clients share their frustration at expending so much energy without the desired result, I usually tell them, “You are either running away from something or toward something. Which is it?”
One of the greatest temptations, according to the spiritual teacher Henri Nouwen, is the “temptation of compulsiveness” or a tendency to be driven or forced into action against, perhaps, one’s betterment.1 Modern connotations of the word have situated the word within the psychological context of irresistible urges beyond one’s conscious control. We talk of ‘compulsive liars’ or ‘compulsive…
