Burial or Cremation? how to make a decision
When it comes to end-of-life planning, one question often holds people up — should I be buried or cremated?
If you’ve already made your decision, congratulations. If you haven’t or are having second thoughts about your previous decision, read on.
The first thing to say is that cremation has become the most popular form of body disposal. And, it’s set to increase. By 2040, the National Funeral Directors Association expects cremation to surpass the 70% mark while burials will dwindle to around 15%.
Why?
The number one reason people give for choosing cremation is affordability. A typical cremation with a funeral service can cost between $3000–$4000. Add in a casket and other extras and that price rises. However, a direct cremation (cremation only without a service or visiting hours) can cost as low as $800, a substantial saving. Compare that to burials. A typical burial with a funeral service will cost in excess of $7,500. One insurance agent told me he advised his clients to budget for closer to $15,000.
Another reason why cremations are increasing in popularity is that they lend themselves to more personal celebrations. With more and more people divorcing death from religion, they are personalizing the funeral ritual. The deceased’s ashes are not necessarily relegated to a specific plot of ground in a cemetery. Rather they can be scattered (or buried) somewhere that holds meaning for the bereaved: at sea, in space, on the seashore, in a forest or meadow, or in one’s own backyard. Today, ashes can even be planted to nourish a tree and contribute to rebuilding a coral reef. And if scattering or planting ashes doesn’t appeal, you can even choose to mix ashes with ink and get a personal tattoo.
Environmental concerns also play a part in choosing cremation. While both burial and cremation have an almost equal environmental impact (cremations use about a full SUV tank of gas to burn a body not to mention the air pollutants) there is a general perception that cremation is slightly more eco-friendly. Burial vaults and headstones use a lot of concrete and stone not to mention eating up real estate. Embalmed bodies leak toxic chemicals into the groundwater. And running out of room to bury people is a major issue for many cemeteries and churchyards. In fact, many new suburban housing developments no longer plan for burial grounds as more people choose cremation. Other environmental concerns relate to rising water levels along coastlines inundating burial grounds. Climate change may actually alter our funeral traditions.
And finally, burials depend on graves and cemeteries being maintained, adding more cost. Yet with families being more mobile and less centralized, the old “family plot” is less attractive when it ends up being a long distance from its buried ancestor(s). Cremation is simply attractive to a more mobile and cost-conscious society.
But wait. Perhaps you’re set on a traditional burial.
Despite the growing popularity of cremations, many opt for burial. For many, it’s tradition. Perhaps you can be buried in a family plot or choose to be buried with your partner or parents. For others, burial is part of their religion or faith tradition. Many belonging to the Christian, Jewish, and Islamic faiths have strong religious connections with burials.
Many people also like the idea of a grave providing a physical place to visit. I frequently visit the grave of my father in a nearby cemetery knowing that the cremated remains of both my mother and stepmother are also there. I’m one of those people who find cemeteries peaceful places to walk and reflect on life. Visiting my parents’ grave is also an opportunity to talk to them, share family news, and unburden myself of baggage from the past. A lot of healing can still go on even after your ancestors are gone. Having a space to do that can help provide a physical connection with someone no longer part of this world.
A full funeral burial with a graveside service can, for many, provide closure and meaning to their loved one’s departure. I certainly felt that watching my father’s coffin being lowered into the ground. It left me with no doubt that he was gone. I think it helped me let go and experience my grief more fully. In contrast, my mother chose direct cremation without a service. I never saw her dead body nor experienced the ritual of saying goodbye. I found grieving for her more difficult to do.
And finally, for some, the idea of one’s body being burned is unsettling, to say the least. One client I know, opted for burial because she didn’t want her very young grandchildren having to cope with the idea of their grandmother being burned. On the other hand, the thought of being dressed and contained in an aesthetically-pleasing coffin and having family members laying flowers or other tributes is appealing.
Whatever your choice — cremation or burial — make it an informed choice. Talk through your wishes and questions with your family and, if necessary, an End-of-Life Planning Facilitator, Death Doula or Celebrant. Talk with your local funeral director. Whichever choice you make, it’s a personal decision that should reflect your wishes, personality, and perhaps your faith or religion.
Remember that a funeral is a ceremony containing ritual acts. Together, these offer us meaning and purpose at a time of loss. The ceremonial disposal of our bodies is part of the celebration of life. Whether you choose to be cremated or buried, your thoughtful planning will provide meaning for and be appreciated by those who are left behind.
Michael Williams is an accredited and licensed End-of-Life Planning Facilitator, Educator, and Trainer. He is the Senior Facilitator and Trainer for Before I Go Solutions and the founder of My End of Life Plan. He currently lives in Hamilton, Ontario and serves clients both locally and internationally on Zoom. To contact Michael, email him at michael@myendoflifeplan.ca. To learn more about training as an End-of-Life Planning Facilitator, contact michaelwilliams@beforeigosolutions.com.
