End-of-Life Planning: Getting Your Affairs in Order Doesn’t Have To Be Expensive or Overwhelming
by Michael Williams, Ph.D. End-of-Life Planning Facilitator
With the COVID-19 pandemic making us all more aware of death and dying, having an end-of-life plan in place is all the more important. Think of it as a gift to your loved ones and bringing you peace of mind knowing your affairs are in order.
The Cost of Dying
“Death is a booming $1.6-billion industry in Canada,” reads a recent headline in the Globe and Mail, Canada’s national newspaper.1 That figure is certain to be higher, particularly in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. So while dying is a billion-dollar business, there’s a high cost for the grieving families who have to pick up the tab.
Sadly, the success of the death industry is built partly on unfair and unscrupulous practices that take advantage of grieving families. In a joint inquiry carried out by the Toronto Star and CBC Marketplace in 2017, investigators revealed that “exorbitant prices and high-pressure sales” were commonplace. Even families who had pre-paid for funerals were being charged extra fees for cremations and burials.2
Take the Graham family, for example. This London, Ontario couple arranged for their cremation and burial through a pre-paid funeral plan purchased in 1988. Mr. Graham told his family that when the time came all they had to be done was to place a call to the funeral home and everything would be taken care of. But that’s not what happened.
When he died in January 2017, his daughter called the funeral home only to be told that the arranged plan “was worthless”. In addition to the $3000 Mr. Graham and his wife had already paid, the family was handed a bill for a further $5000. And to make matters worse, the family reported that the funeral home staff were “aggressive and rude” adding, “They prey on your grief and they take advantage of your ignorance.”3
Reporters working undercover and posing as potential customers, seeking a simple cremation plan for a “sick aunt”, encountered “high-pressure sales practices, significant price markups and aggressive upselling” from a number of other funeral homes.4 In 2004, I had a similar experience. On the eve of my father’s funeral in February of that year, the funeral home director took my grieving step-mother on a tour of the coffins in the salesroom. He kept trying to steer her toward the expensive coffins and dismissed my suggestions for something more affordable. I swear if my brothers and I hadn’t been there to support her, he would have talked her into buying a $10,000 coffin. In the end, we agreed on a more affordable one.
Of course, many funeral homes deny these accusations of unscrupulous charges and high-pressure sales tactics. Often they counter-argue that customers do not understand the details of what they are getting into. Clearly, whoever is at fault, there is a case here for helping grieving families navigate their choices. This is where end-of-life planning comes into play.
End of Life Planning
It’s astounding that we plan for everything else in our lives — births, education, careers, marriage, retirement — but few of us plan for the inevitable — death. Despite the fact that nearly 75% of people agree that an end-of-life plan is a necessity, only about 25% of people actually get around to doing anything about it. Wills are the most common document to be completed but many people overlook powers-of-attorney for health care and finances, Advanced Medical Directives, funeral plans, taking care of their digital assets, decluttering, and legacies and memorials.
Many people do not realize that you have a choice when it comes to making arrangements for your death. There are many D.I.Y. alternatives, if you wish, that can save you money and make things more personal. There are alternative ways to dispose of the body, for instance, including traditional cremation and burial but also green burials, aquamation (currently only legal in Ontario, Quebec, and Saskatchewan) composting, burials at sea and more. And while lawyers are often the best bet when drawing up a will or power-of-attorney, these can be done without paying a lawyer if you are willing to follow some simple rules.5 One of the most important documents to have drawn up is an Advanced Directive or an Advanced Care Plan. This is a document in which you express your values and beliefs around the sort of medical and palliative care you would like or not when the time comes. It’s not written in stone; you can always change your mind. But if you were unable to communicate with your doctors, the Advanced Directive will inform your Power-of-Attorney (the person who you’ve designated to speak on your behalf if you cannot) and the doctors of your wishes.
An end-of-life (EOL) planning facilitator or coach can advise you on your choices and offer resources and guidance to help you prepare your own personal end-of-life plan. Think of it as a gift of love for your loved ones. When my father was dying, I had no idea what his wishes were. He had come to the hospital unexpectedly after a fall in the bathroom, hurting his shoulder. When he went to Emergency to have it X-rayed, he discovered that the arthritic pain that he had been managing with aspirin was actually bone cancer. He never left the hospital and died 6 weeks later. Several days before he died, things had taken a turn for the worst. Unfortunately, he was in no condition to have the conversation about his final wishes. I knew he had a will but wasn’t sure where it was. To make matters more confusing, the doctors came to me asking for my permission to put my Dad on a dialysis machine. It would be invasive and uncomfortable, they explained, but it might give him more time. I didn’t know my Dad’s wishes. I gave the doctors permission to go ahead. When my Dad regained consciousness, he was upset. He yelled at the doctors telling them “Don’t you know that I’m dying?” I’d guessed wrong. I thought I was doing the right thing by agreeing to hook him up to a machine. In the end, it didn’t prolong his life. It only succeeded in making him angry and uncomfortable. He died a few days later.
When I met Jane Rogers, founder of Before I Go Solutions®, I signed up for her workshops and subsequently trained as an accredited end-of-life facilitator. Before I Go Solutions® is a community enterprise company based in Scotland that works with people worldwide, helping them complete their end-of-life plans and train those who want to become EOL facilitators. I’m currently the Head Facilitator for her organization. I do this work because I don’t want my children or anyone’s family members to have to go through what I went through with my father. I want people to talk to one another about death and dying honestly and openly. I want you to make a plan. Ultimately, I want end-of-life plans to be as commonplace as birth plans.
Of course, none of us can predict the future but in my experience, having an end-of-life plan brings peace of mind to both the person who creates it and the loved ones who are given the responsibility of carrying out that person’s last wishes.
If you are interested in creating your own end-of-life plan, contact me at michaelwilliams@beforeigosolutions.com.
To learn more about end-of-life planning and training, visit www.beforeigosolutions.com.
Michael Williams
January 2021
michaelwilliams@beforeigosolutions.com
Notes:
1 https://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-investor/personal-finance/household-finances/death-is-a-booming-16-billion-industry-in-canada/article34282988/
2 https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2017/03/10/funeral-home-sales-practices-place-high-cost-on-grieving-families.html
3 https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2017/03/10/funeral-home-sales-practices-place-high-cost-on-grieving-families.html
4 https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2017/03/10/funeral-home-sales-practices-place-high-cost-on-grieving-families.html
5 Unless your financial situation is simple and straightforward, I recommend speaking with a lawyer. Also, note that October is often designated as a month when many law firms offer a free will service in exchange for a donation to a charity of their choice.
